Internal Affairs
by mirroredsakura
Summary: RenoxRude. Collection of drabbles done for 30dates. Short, quippy, fun. Nothing says romance like a series of oneliners.
1. Chapter 1: Call This a Date?

**Title: **Internal Affairs

**Author:** mirroredsakura

**Fandom:** FFVII

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimers:** The sexy redhead and the baldy aren't mine. They might belong to each other though. Or so I'd like to imagine.

**Title:** …Call This a Date?

**30dates Challenge: **#1, First Date

~+~+~+~

The first time had been a little unorthodox. Reno, for all intents and purposes, was an old-fashioned boy at heart. Insofar as his version of asking a girl out on a date required several cheesy pick-up lines, and several good opportunities for leering. The date itself allowed for flexibility in its beginning stages; dinner, dancing, nude chocobo racing, but it all invariably ended up with a good rough-and-tumble in between cheap hotel sheets and a satisfied cat-who-ate-the-cream look to the redhead when he showed up for work the next day.

Somehow, it stood to reason that Rude would do nothing of the sort.

Admittedly, Reno himself had had some fault in that. His partner had walked in on a bad night at the bar—what had he even been mad about that night anyway?—and confronted him about something. He hadn't been too happy about whatever it was, in any case. Rude had cemented in Reno's total shame by literally hefting him up into his arms in a princess carry and walking out the door, unmindful of the solid kicks Reno had been aiming at his side and the wriggling that'd accompanied it. It'd taken a quick dumping into the passenger seat of some unnamed vehicle that smelled like new leather whose door closed with a soft whispering thunk that simply screamed _expensive_, to shut Reno up just in case Rufus was in the car and they were going somewhere important. He wasn't. He'd let out a lungful of air he hadn't even known he'd taken in, utterly relieved. Of course, immediately afterwards he'd forced his somewhat muggily-functioning brain to plot up something decently evil in the revenge game.

Rude'd borne my slurred advances—clearly the best form of retaliation—and my leaden body draped awkwardly against his chest silently, looking as though the idea of a sexy redhead all over him was an everyday occurrence. (Hah. I don't get drunk _that_ much!) Up until an abrupt stop had me sliding down the length of Rude's chest, and down into his lap where I made appropriately pleased murmurs and rubbed my nose up between Rude's legs until I was forcibly hauled up and away, Rude's voice serious behind his mirrored lenses. "You're not half as drunk as you pretend to be, Reno."

"Aww, it's just a joke, yo—"

"I'm taking you home now," Rude replied, ignoring me completely. I don't think he expected the sudden flailing. Or the heated "_No!_" He managed to block my lunge at snatching precious glasses and holding them hostage, however.

"Girl's still there," I hastened to explain, looking up to see the distance between myself and my place diminishing before his very eyes, "Got it in her head that I'm hers, probably started ransacking the place when I slipped out on her through the window, went through all this trouble to get myself lost in the crowd, ya know? Don't make me go back yet!"

Not that I really cared what she'd done to his place. Never kept the important stuff there—knew better than to store stuff in a shithole like that. Still, hell if I'd go back in there right there and then. Bitch was insane but man was she stacked with legs that went on forever. The place _did_ come outfitted with plenty of wickedly sharp kitchen utensils that might be used to inflict bodily harm on my person, after all and I've got a duty to protect my bits from chicks who want me just a little too much.

"…Then what exactly are you going to do in the interim?"

I glanced at him. Sounded like the partner might be caving. "Lezgo back to the bar?" I asked hopefully, though truthfully not expecting much.

"No, Reno."

That brought a frown to my face, "You're not taking back to the Shin-Ra building, are ya? I've got a running record for showing up late and this could count against me, ya know?"

"I didn't know you cared so much."

"_Massive_ betting pool going on. I'm winning this, I tell ya."

"No wonder Tseng has been talking about docking your paycheck."

"Damn it Rude, we're still heading towards my place! Turn around and I'll take you to freaking _ramen_, all right?"

Desperate times, desperate measures. On normal occasions, I didn't even _like_ ramen all that much. Nothing wrong with a good slice of pizza or six after all, yeah?

This was obviously so unusual that Rude could do nothing other than obediently turn the car around and follow—much against his own better judgment, heh—my totally sober directions that led us down some pretty bizarre pathways. One involved a pigeon-infested alleyway although I will henceforward always claim that I'd truly intended to pass by the troll with the hairy back instead of being hopelessly lost in the tangles of my own domain. Wouldn't do to have the partner think otherwise, after all.

'Course I had the distinct impression that Rude was probably inclined to give up on the whole thing once he'd pulled the car to a stop and my valiant attempts to get out of the car with dignity had me sprawling for the second time against Rude's chest.

Rude opted for take-out after that.

And I somehow also found myself back in Rude's arms again—this time in a much less comfortable and marginally more ignoble fireman carry—as he balanced one loudly-complaining, redheaded yours truly in one arm, and a box of covered take-out noodle bowls in the other. Not the best first entrance into your partner's inner sanctum, I'm telling ya. _Great_ way to meet the neighbors though.

I mean, my place ain't nothing to look at… bedroom, bathroom, space in between that could count as anything. There's a fridge there though and a table so I guess it's just one whole kitchen party the minute you walk through the door. Total mess, really.

But Rude actually put _effort_ into the place, y'know? Like there was stuff there besides the basics—the man even had a _tablecloth_!

"Well this ain't half bad," I drawled as he dumped me unceremoniously onto his couch and turned to set the consumables safely aside. Couldn't help the eyeful I was getting at ass-level either, or the wolf-whistle that followed. "Whoo, yeeeaaah Rude, lookin' sharp."

He turned to glare at me.

I spanked that ass.

…I then got strung up out his window for the better part of an hour while he ate up all the ramen. There's gratitude for you.

Like I said, _great_ way to meet the neighbors. Lady in the apartment next to him had those little flowerbox things with some dead sticks in it that she kept poking her head out to water, while staring at me in the process. I like to think it had more to do with my dashing good looks than the fact that I had the words "Idiot" scrawled in red across my chest.

Did I mention I was naked?

Yeah, Rude's thorough like that.

And no, I didn't beg. Totally beneath me. No begging involved. None.

…There was some loud manly requesting to be done, however.

And it totally ended up with me yelling obscene things up at the open window. Takes time to warm up to the topic, y'know? Explains why it took so long for him to lean out and jerk me back up for being a loudmouthed nuisance.

'Course he was hard by then, and we had a totally wild time on his couch, throw pillows—the man had _throw pillows_ for fuck's sakes—and all. Works every time, I'm telling ya.

Man lost his glasses during that one… didn't have anywhere to pull out a spare—that I could see anyway-- didn't look half-bad without them too. He was also _way_ more comfortable to fall asleep on than any pair of breasts I've ever met. Don't often take it upon myself to fall asleep in some random broad's arms after all. But he was comfy. And… nice-feeling. Yeah.

"Talking to yourself again?" came the amused-sounding voice from the other side of the door.

Reno let out a yelp and he dove for the player, shutting it off and ejecting the tape just as the door opened and Rude stepped in with all his customary tactlessness—when it came to Reno-embarrassing moments, that is.

"Ah, so you were listening to yourself instead. _What_ exactly was so nice-feeling?"

"My cock up your ass. Damn it Rude, _warn_ a guy next time!"

"No."

"Such a bastard."

"Just the way you like it."

Other people might call them unorthodox. Reno thought a better description was just fucking _weird_.

_Well,_ he thought several hours later, naked and languid against a large muscled chest, _not like it's a bad thing, anyway._

~+~+~+~

Hasty? Yeah. But this was a hell of a lot longer than the others promise to be. Also: Laura, Caelin, I'm still not seeing the kink. *sticks tongue out at you both*


	2. Chapter 2: Take Him Out

**#2, Cafe**

**Take Him Out**

~+~+~+~

"Where are you?"

"Café de Triomphe."

"…Why exactly are we meeting there, again?"

"Because anywhere else I could suggest, Reno, would end up with you piss drunk and hopeless in bed."

The redhead blinked and stared at his phone for a second, momentarily dumbstruck.

"My, Rude, aren't we talkative today."

"…It's the truth."

"Whatever. I'll be there in a few minutes. Get me a beer."

"You're getting coffee. And only coffee."

Reno said something suitably scathing into the receiver before he hung up, focusing back on the job at hand.

"Gotta make this quick. Boyfriend's waiting. No offense, man."

_Bang._


	3. Chapter 3: Not Leaving Yet

**#3, The Movies**

**Not Leaving Yet**

~+~+~+~

Reno leaned up against a handy wall, then grimaced when he felt something vaguely sticky beneath his fingers and pulled away hastily with a grimace of disgust.

"Why would a target be wandering _here_?"

The two of them stood in the semi-darkness, surrounded by the breathless silence of the moviegoers and the goings-on onscreen.

"It's what was reported."

Reno resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I still don't think—hey, phone."

Rude answered with a voice of utmost detachment, though he was sure several members of the audience flashed him a dirty look—it was hard to tell, sunglasses in darkened movie theaters didn't do much for vision—before they turned back hastily once they realized what exactly the two of them were. Armed and dangerous, as it were. And Turks, which were notoriously Without Rules.

"…You found them. In Golden Saucer. Molesting chocobos." Rude could've sworn he heard Elena's blush even over her embarrassed stammering. An abrupt end to the conversation followed shortly after, punctuated with Reno's half-hearted attempts not to burst into delighted laughter at their fellow Turk's mortification.

Rude frowned at him as he hung up, "You're a terrible person."

A cheeky grin was his response, "You know you love me."

"I'm beginning to wonder why."

A few moments of silence later, and a mutual staring up at the screen, Reno spoke up again, "So… now what?"

"Mission's over. We go home."

"But we just got here."

Reno could tell that the look Rude gave him was clearly a 'raised eyebrow of askance' even with the sunglasses, in their bizarre near-darkness setting. "You _want_ to stay here?"

He shrugged. "Could be fun."

"Reno, this is a movie house."

"Yeah, I got that part."

"An X-Rated movie house."

"Uh huh."

"For gay men."

"…Call it a date?"


	4. Chapter 4: Baubles

**#4, Shopping**

**Baubles**

~+~+~+~

_This_, thought Reno, as he handled the piece of curved polished metal carefully in both hands, _was kinda fun._

Certainly not as fun as a long day off with nothing to do but his lover in various positions on every square foot of Rude's apartment, but fun nonetheless.

Yeah, hunting for some good materia was interesting, and kind of amusing, watching the shopkeepers try to ply their wiles on _him_. Like he hadn't learnt their tricks years ago.

One of the good things that came of Tseng's insistence that the Turks needed to find their own equipment. Meant more paperwork though—always a downside.

"Are you done, yet?" Rude's voice was uncharacteristically impatient.

"Yeah, yeah, almost…"

"You said that twenty minutes ago."

He turned puppy-dog eyes on the other man, ignoring the shopkeeper's nervous chatter, "C'mon Rude, you_know_ I need to get a new armlet and some good defensive materia… if I die because of a lack of a good Restore, it'll be all your fault for dragging me away before I could decide!"

The taller man rolled his eyes behind his dark lenses, "You can be such a girl."

Reno smiled. Not like it was a bad thing.


	5. Chapter 5: Swingset

**#5, To the Park**

**Swingset**

~+~+~+~

"You want to go…"

"To the park. Yeah."

"…_Why_ do you want to go to the park?"

"Because I'm freaking _bored_."

"It's the middle of the night, you're in the heart of _Midgar_ surrounded by all the alcoholic beverages in existence—and you want to go to the park."

"…Something wrong with that?"

"I question your sanity."

"C'mon Rude. Ever want to relive the childhood you never had?"

"Not particularly."

"Well I do. Hang out in the sandbox, take a turn on the swings… have you fuck me on the jungle gym…"

"Kinky little brat."

"I know you love it."


	6. Chapter 6: Off the Beaten Path

**#6, Walk**

**Off the Beaten Path**

~+~+~+~

"Damn it Rude, I'm _tired_."

"…You must be the tallest three-year-old I've ever seen."

"Oh fuck off."

"And the most well-mannered."

"Damn it Rude, not the time for this!"

"Who was the one who forgot to refill the gas tank?"

"Totally not my fault."

"While on a routine excursion out to Gonzaga?"

"Shut up, Rude."

"This far out?"

"Goddamnit Rude, I know all right? Outdoors bad, finding town good."

"City boy."

"Like you aren't?"

"I complain less."

"Fucker."

"…Just keep walking."

"I'm never taking amy long romantic walks with you ever again!"

"You have a strange sense of romance, Reno."


	7. Chapter 7: Constellations

**#6, Stargazing**

**Constellations**

~+~+~+~

"That one there looks like a penis."

"…I really doubt ancient astronomers named their constellations after phallic objects, Reno."

"Aww c'mon, have you _seen_ the guys wandering around Cosmo? _Flaming,_ I tell ya. Wouldn't surprise me one bit that they've mapped out the sky with 'Boy Bent Over', 'Boy Spread Eagled', 'Boy Taking It From Both Ends'."

"How did I end up stargazing in a field with you?"

"You ain't got anything better to do with your time, do you?"

"They would probably keep your mouth shut."

"Or at least better occupied." The redhead's voice was a purr of agreement.


	8. Chapter 8: In the Back Row

**#8, To a Play**

**In the Back Row**

~+~+~+~

"What'd this guy do again?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Usually hard for some no-name actor in a Sector Six shithole to piss off the Shin-Ra prince enough for him to give the order himself."

"Shut up, you're still in the audience."

"Rude, there are about nine people here, and nowhere near us."

"It's called tact."

"Whatever. Maybe Rufus was slumming and tried to catch a show. Fuck, the guy's _awful_. No wonder the big man wants to off him."

"Behave yourself."

"Or you'll what? Gonna spank me?"

"…Wait 'til we get back."

"Oh _good… _Your place or mine?"


	9. Chapter 9: Take the Lead

**#9, Dance**

**Take the Lead**

~+~+~+~

"No."

"Reno, this is not the time for jealousy."

"I said _no_."

Rude turned to look exasperatedly at Tseng, who was busy looking away and trying not to laugh. No help there.

"It's just a quick infiltration mission Reno. I'd stand out too much if my dance partner was a man."

"So you'd rather dance with _Elena_, then?"

Rude couldn't tell if you Reno was actually being sulky or treating the whole thing as a colossal joke behind those large green eyes.

"She's a woman. You aren't."

"I'd look better in a dress than Elena _any_ day!"

…Well he _could_…


	10. Chapter 10: Birthday Boy

**#10, Party**

**Birthday Boy**

~+~+~+~

"It's my birthday!"

"…No it's not."

"How do you know?"

"You can't just claim random days to be your birthday, Reno."

"You're just trying to weasel your way out of admitting the fact that you forgot it was my birthday! What a horrible boyfriend you are!"

"Is it really your birthday?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"…No, you're right, I lied. But I still want presents. And a cake. And a party."

"When did you get so greedy?"

"Never said you couldn't be all three at once. C'mon. Day off and all."

"That still doesn't make you any less greedy."

"It's my party."

~+~+~+~

Hehe and I think that's a good place to stop for now... I have more, all 30 done and one bonus, but I'm really trying to avoid clogging up people's author alerts so much with 31 entries all at once.


	11. Chapter 11: Workaholic

AN: So I apologize ahead of time to those people who have this story/me on author alert because your email notifs are going to get hit _so hard_. But it's already been a little past forever since I've updated this, even though I've had it done for _years_ now. If I don't do it at once, I guess I'll never get around to doing it all.

**#11, Lazy Day**

**Workaholic**

"Get up."

"Don't wanna." Reno buried his hair deeper beneath his pillow—yes _his_ pillow, he had his own designated pillow in Rude's bed now—trying to ignore the insistent yanking at his long red hair.

"You're going to be late for work."

"Don't wanna work."

"You can't just stay home."

"Yes I can."

"Reno…"

"Lazy."

"Be lazy at work."

"No."

"Get out of my bed, Reno."

The redhead tumbled out gracelessly. "You're no fun."

"No, but I keep us employed."

"You're making me give up a lazy day."

"You and I can have a lazy day. Later. After work."


	12. Chapter 12: Gamble

**#12, Amusement Park**

**Gamble**

"C'mon Rude, you can take more than that!"

"Did you not notice the stats I've been losing through each round?"

"You've done it before!"

"Bit busy right now!" he yelled back, throwing several punches between each word.

"Why did you want to come to Golden Saucer again?" he asked wearily as they wandered away from the ring, following Reno's apparent Fun Radar.

"Gotta have _some_ cash to toss out and start the betting pool going again."

"I knew it."

"And I wanted to see you naked in Haunted Hotel."

"You could've said as much in the first place."

"Next time."


	13. Chapter 13: Haystack

**#13, Garden**

**Haystack**

"We should go see that church place."

"..Why?"

"I'm bored. And I'm done my paperwork."

"…You just stuffed it in the bottom of Elena's desk drawer. I saw you."

"You saw nothing."

"Right."

"Not the point. I want to go the church place."

"Why?"

"There are flowers there."

"…You want to go to a church."

"Yes."

"To see flowers."

"Yes."

"…Now I have to ask again. _Why?_"

"Why I'm bored, or why I want to see some flowers?"

"If you really must ask…"

"It's the closest to rolling in the hay with you, without landing us on some chocobo farm."


	14. Chapter 14: Thoughtful

**#14, Vista**

**Thoughtful**

"I want to go somewhere."

"Like?"

"I don't know. Somewhere far away. Somewhere nice."

"Youfve been across almost all of the Planet, can't you decide?"

"What if there's someplace nicer than the places I've been to? We always go when there's something bad happening, anyway. I don't find blood-spattered walls nice."

"If you can figure out where you'd want to go, I'm sure you'd find a way to get there somehow."

"'Course I will. S'what I'm good at." He stretched out, looking much like a contented cat. "Wanna come?"

"Someone has to keep you out of trouble."

"It's a date."


	15. Chapter 15: Barbecue

**#15, Picnic**

**Barbecue**

"Eat it."

"Why? That's _your_ sandwich."

"I'm not the one salivating over my beast of burden's left drumstick."

"Fuck Rude, don't _do_ that to me… I can see it roasting and covered in butter and lemon and spices already…" his voice was nearly a whimper.

"That's why I'm telling you to eat the sandwich."

"Why are we stuck out here in the first place?"

"Empty gas tank, remember?"

"Fuck. Right."

"How _did_ you manage to forget again?"

"I had my hands full."

"I did not ask for your hands down my pants."

"You didn't complain either."

"…Just eat your sandwich."


	16. Chapter 16: Heading Back

**#16, Downtown**

**Heading Back**

"_Walking down the street tonight, like every night, nowhere to go~!_"

"…What are you doing?"

"Singing."

"Must you be so off-key?"

"I'll have you know I have perfect pitch!"

"Tell that to the alleycats who keep answering you."

"Aww, c'mon Rude, there ain't no alleycats downtown."

"There are now that they've all followed you."

"You're just jealous."

"I can think of better things to be than tone-deaf."

"Don't you just love our long walks together? Isn't it so very romantic?"

"It's vaguely terrifying how you can change the subject so quickly to even more insane stupidity."

"I think I'm hurt."


	17. Chapter 17: File Cabinet

**#17, Library**

**File Cabinet**

"Sure this is the right place?"

"Looks like it."

"…You know this is fucking creepy, right?"

"The secret panel that leads to a vampire coffin, the monsters scuttling around, or being this close to that much literature?"

"Not funny."

"There's a reason people don't play in the old Shin-Ra mansion."

"Never mind they were mostly made up of paid actors for several years."

"Besides the point. We're looking for a book."

"Always wanted to do it in a library."

"…What am I going to do with you?"

"You could fuck me."

"We're on a mission."

"Rotting old books can wait."


	18. Chapter 18: On Break

**#18, Visit at Work**

**On Break**

"Boo."

"What are you doing?"

"I came to visit!"

"Reno, you desk is _right across from mine_."

"And that's too far away to grope you properly. Another good reason to visit."

"Get your hands out of my pants, Reno, we're still at work."

"No reason you can't take a lunch break, right?"

"We just got here twenty minutes ago."

"…Cigarette break, then?"

You just got back from one _ten_ minutes ago."

"…Bathroom break?"

"Will it make you go back to work?"

"Maybe."

"Fine, what do you want?"

"Guess."

"…Public bathrooms now too, Reno? Sex fiend."

"I know you like it."


	19. Chapter 19: Sleepover

**#19, First Night Over**

**Sleepover**

"You don't happen to have an extra pillow on you?"

"I only have one head, so no."

"I can't see how you can sleep comfortably on that thing, Reno."

"It's an acquired taste," the redhead replied, yawning, before offering up the sack to him as if it were a grand gesture. "You take the pillow, I'll take you."

"You already have. Twice."

"Then I'll take you a third time as a nice comfy pillow."

"You need to redefine your version of 'comfy'."

"…Next thing you're going to say is you don't like my blankets, either."

"I won't say a word."


	20. Chapter 20: High Class Dining

**#20, 5 Star Restaurant**

**High Class Dining**

"What is that?"

"I think it's a lobster."

"…Why is it green?"

"It hasn't been cooked yet."

"So why am I still looking at it?"

"To see that it's a fresh one."

"It's waving its little antennae things at me. I think it's plenty fresh. Can it go away now?"

"You're not afraid of killing people, but you are uncomfortable in front of live seafood?"

"I don't usually go around _eating_ the people I have to kill."

"Good point."

"What kind of restaurant is this anyway? What if I ordered beef? Would they bring in the whole fucking _cow?_"

_Sigh._


	21. Chapter 21: Beach Boys

**#21, Beach**

**Beach Boys**

"I want to go swimming."

"I didn't know you could swim."

"…I don't know if I can."

"…You want to go swimming even though you don't know how to swim."

"I _might_ know how to swim."

"…But you don't remember."

"No."

"…You can't remember whether or not you know how to swim?"

"Uh huh."

"I think you're the only person I know who could forget something like that."

"I still want to go swimming."

"Do you know where?"

"In the water."


	22. Chapter 22: Siren

**#22, Karaoke**

**Siren**

"_SLAP the naughty body, move your ass over, slap the naughty body, move your ass over here now~!_"

Rude grimaced at the loud wailing that was a drunken Reno's song, and his attempts to dance seductively to the horrible caterwauling of his own vocal chords. Why he loved this man, he would never really know. Or would ever stop questioning his sanity over.

The redhead flopped onto him as soon as the last strains of music had faded into oblivion. "You're turn, Rude."

"No."

The man pouted. "You're no fun."

"Only one of us needs to act like an idiot."


	23. Chapter 23: Déjà Vu

**#23, Birthday**

**Déjà Vu**

"It's my birthday today."

"…Really?"

"Yeah."

"Damn it Rude, why didn't you tell me?"

"I did."

"You did not!"

"You were busy whinging about not getting your beer."

"Damn it Rude, you don't your boyfriend your birthday while they're busy raving out of their heads!"

"So it's my fault that you forgot."

"Yes! I mean… no… I guess, it's my fault but _still_—!"

"You're a terrible person, not even remembering your own boyfriend's birthday."

"Wait… Have we had this conversation before…?"

"Now you remember?"

"Is it really your birthday?"

"No. But we're going out anyway."

"You're such a bastard."


	24. Chapter 24: Glitter

**#24, Fireworks**

**Glitter**

_Crackle!_

"What the hell is that?" Rude was yelling even before he whirled, fists up and ready to face any danger.

…The image of Reno cheerfully waving a newly-lit sparkler in one hand was a rather confusing sight to confront.

"…What are you doing?"

"Celebrating."

"Celebrating…?"

"Uh huh."

"…Celebrating what?"

"The Day of No Paperwork."

"You do have paperwork."

"Not anymore."

"…Setting fire to your reports does not count as getting rid of your paperwork."

"It'll have them distracted for a while anyway. Want one?"

"We're still at work, Reno."

"I've still got my materia. Wanna light yours too?"

…_Sigh._


	25. Chapter 25: Touch of Magic

**#25, Ice Skating**

**Touch of Magic**

"_Whoa!_" Elena flailed, spent several seconds airborne and flailing madly for balance and the papers she'd flung haphazardly up into the air before gravity took hold and sent her sprawling on a patch of newly-formed ice.

She turned on the redhead with a vengeance. "_RENO__!_"

He was still sitting at his desk, looking unrepentant. "You're sitting on my skating rink."

"You're in the middle of the office, damn it!"

"It's lunchtime. Rude should be back soon."

She stared at him. "You made an ice patch for _Rude?_"

"He mentioned liking ice."

"What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

He grinned.


	26. Chapter 26: Easily Swayed

Aaaand to finish off the batch, here's the rest. There's no more. Scout's honor. Thanks to Serafin for your kind review, there's nothing like a boost of confidence when you're wondering if you've gone in the right direction. :3

**#26, Valentinefs Day**

**Easily Swayed**

"Guess what day it is today."

"Your birthday?"

"No. It's redder than that."

"…You have a touch-up appointment with your hairdresser?"

"Hey, the hair's natural, you jerk!"

"Uh… the day Elena brings roses to work?" Rude paused. "…Elena brought a bouquet of roses to work?"

Reno rolled his eyes, "Just wait until Tseng walks in."

"The Day Elena Finally Asks Him Out?"

"Doubt she has the nerve."

"Then what is it?"

"I can't believe you didn't remember!"

"Remember what?"

"See? My boyfriend can't even remember—"

"If I give you your Valentine's Day present now, will you shut up?"

"…Maybe."


	27. Chapter 27: Equivalent Trade

**#27, Camping**

**Equivalent Trade**

"They have a tent."

"Yes."

"And backpacks."

"Yes."

"And you're _letting_ them."

"Yes."

Elena stared incredulous at Tseng's serene expression. "And you don't think they'll kill themselves, sir?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do either of them even know _how_ to set up a tent?"

"I left the instruction packet with it."

"They're never going to read it."

"That is their own affair."

Elena had a sudden brainwave and shifted away from him, cowering against the wall. "You're trying to pick us off, one by one, aren't you sir?"

"Don't be foolish. They asked for it, and I wanted some quiet."


	28. Chapter 28: Dessert

**#28, Ice Cream Parlor**

**Dessert**

If there was one thing Rude had noticed even before he'd ever had any interest in Reno—all right, that part was a lie, he'd always wanted Reno. Fine, before he had any interest in a _relationship_ with Reno, it was that Reno ate ice cream like it was sin. Whenever he brought ice cream back with him after his lunch break to eat at his desk with a spoon tucked between his lips, half the building would be likely to punch out early and disappear with a hand between their legs.

No fucking wonder Rude had always known that Reno'd be so damn _good_ with that _tongue_.

So when Rude had been lying back against his own kitchen table, comfortably sated if somewhat sticky, and looked up to see the redhead return with a carton of vanilla ice cream, he knew the afternoon's roster of fun and games had only just begun.

"You need to get a better freezer, Rude. Stuff's almost half-melted and I just took the damn thing out."

"…My apologies…" He grunted with surprise when he felt the cold confection plop onto his chest, and Reno slid down along him, grinning unrepentantly back up at him for making a mess.

Not that Rude would ever yell at him for _this_.

Reno ran his tongue along the hardened planes of Rude's chest and down the line of his abdomen. A deep purr sounded from the very bottom of his throat as he did so, the taste of sex, sweat and melting ice cream thick and tantalizing on the tongue.

"This is nice," he said looking up into his lover's face, the desire even more noticeable without the glasses and, more importantly, without the pants, "my very own ice cream parlor."

Rude decided spoons were boring after all.


	29. Chapter 29: In Heat

**#29, At the Zoo**

**In Heat**

"…What exactly are they doing?"

"…I… couldn't tell you…"

A few more horrified moments of staring at the squeaking green things stuck together, Reno had to point out the obvious. "Are the cactuars having _sex_?"

"I'd rather not think about it."

"First the chocobos, then the Moombas, now freaking _Cactuars?_ What's_ wrong_ with this place?"

"I don't know enough to tell you."

"Is it some kind of pheromone trick the owners use? Pumping out crazy animal chemicals, just to scar the eyes of little children?"

"When you stop asking for public sex, I'll start taking your zoo animal complaints seriously."


	30. Chapter 30: Simmer Softly

**#30, Cooking**

**Simmer Softly**

"Reno why does it smell like—what the _hell are__ you doing?_"

"Boiling water," Reno replied cheerfully from his place at the kitchen table, a paper in his hands and his feet propped up next to the breakfast dishes.

Rude cast one incredulous look at the redhead before hurriedly rushing forward and turning off the stove, and jerking the—now empty—pot off the element.

"Aww, what'd you do that for? I was _using_ that!"

"What were you trying to do?"

"Make more bacon. I'm _hungry!_"

"…You tried to boil bacon."

"Can't be that hard!"

"Never try to cook again."


	31. Chapter 31: Like a Kid in a

**BONUS #31, Candy**

**Like a Kid in a...**

Somehow Rude had always known that Reno would not take well to being denied massive amounts of alcohol at every spare moment of the day. Clearly the Bonds of Their Love alone were not strong enough to combat the Power of the Alcoholic Beverage. There would be consequences, Rude knew. There would be Side Effects.

"Damn it Rude, I'm out of Moogle Gummies."

"…You just went before work…"

"It's been a long time!"

"That was an hour ago!"

"So?"

"Your teeth are going to rot, you're going to get fat and I won't kiss you anymore."

"…Rude, I want candy!"

*

End.

Sorry again for the alert spams, I... uh... do it out of love. Promise.


End file.
